I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
