I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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