the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
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My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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