I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
