my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize