ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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