we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize