Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
