Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
