literally had 100 drinks last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
