I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
