I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
