I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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