Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
