Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
