I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
