Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
