I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
