I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
