Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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