I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
