I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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