I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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