I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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