It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
