New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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