Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
