I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
