I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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