How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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