I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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