i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
This house was built for laser tag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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