I must be too annoying 4 u.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
