Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
