she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
