your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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