K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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