she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
