Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
