Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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