Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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