well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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