My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
