I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
