Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
420 ftw
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
