i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
