Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her vagine was all disorganized.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
