I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
