oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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