dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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