Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
