Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
