Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
they need to just BURY HIM!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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