he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
