It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am naked and annoyed.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
