Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
