I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
