she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
