I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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