The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
