please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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