I'd wear matching sweaters with you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
