Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
