My liver just broke up with me...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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