Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Two words: nipple clamps
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